Boy Problems?

If any of you follow me on Pinterest, you may have seen a post that have seen my board called "iCare". I made this group board so people can ask me for advice and so that they can give it to other people as well. To be expected, one of the most popular topics of requested advice was on the subject of (you guessed it) boys. So in this post I will answer some of those questions that I have gotten (in a more general matter, omitting names and personal information) and answer some questions that may not have been asked by anyone, but I know that some of you are thinking (mainly because I am a mind-reader). I won't answer every question that has been asked about the topic in this post. Some things you will have to ask you parents about or come to your own conclusion about. And I'm just going to warn you now. Some of these questions don't have a "right answer" so I will give you my own opinion. I may not have all the answers right, and not everyone's advice is going to match up. So, if you have to make a big decision, my advice would be to get ask for direction from trustworthy sources like the Bible, your parents, and other authorities in your life. And don't hate me for saying this, but sometimes your very own best friend shouldn't be your only source of guidance when it comes to relationship advice.

Q: "I like this boy who is always flirting with me, but everyone says that he is a 'player'. What should I do?"

A: It happens. Don't think I am a horrible person that flirts with everything that wears pants, but honestly, flirting is fun. It's part of our makeup as females. That's what we do and that's where our charm comes into play. But usually when a guy has the reputation of being a "ladies man" or a "player" it's not charming at all. To me, a guy that likes to just play around with girls is just looking to have a little fun, not really caring if he hurts anyone along the way. Don't get me wrong. Not every guy that flirts a lot is selfish and manipulative. They may be really nice guys. Just keep in mind that guys get insecure at times, too and flirting may be their way of coping with their insecurities.
My advice to you would be to just  be friends for now. You may not know his motives. He may be just trying to get your attention because he is too shy to actually tell you how he feels about you because he doesn't know how. But if he has a reputation of being a "player", you wouldn't want to be the victim of his scheme if he suddenly turns on you if you get too close. Just be aware. And who knows. He might just grow out of this lifestyle. It could very well be a phase. Just remember that you all are young. Work at growing healthy friendships and keeping yourself for that special guy that will come along in God's timing.


Q: "My crush is on Facebook. Should I message him?"

A: This one is a little hard to answer. Really, the answer depends on a few things. One, if you aren't allowed to text boys because of your parent's rules, then Facebook messaging counts, too. Don't be sneaky!
The second has to do with your friendship with this guy. If you have 3rd period algebra class with him but you have never talked or if he is the quarterback on the football team and he doesn't know that you exist, it probably isn't the best idea to profess your love to him over a Facebook message. Yeah, I believe that is classified as stalking.
But if you two are friends or even close acquaintances (if that even makes sense) then maybe you can start a conversation. Just remember to be yourself, though. Don't try to be an expert in something that you don't have a clue about. For example, if he is really interested in football, don't try to start a conversation about how you are so disappointed about how the NFL draft played out. You will eventually start running out of things to Google while you try to answer his questions. Don't be one girl in person and another girl online. He will eventually figure out the difference.
Also, don't confess your feelings to him via social media. It's not the best idea. Sure, you may be shy and you can't tell him in person, but then what happens when he sees you at school and he wants to talk to you about it? Awkward! Keep the conversations friendly and appropriate.  Trust me on this one. I've learned from experience. And don't think I'm going to tell you all the whole story. I' m still mildly humiliated by the situation. Maybe when I am about fifty years old I will be able to tell you about it. But for now, you will have to just take my word for it.


Q: "When is the right time to start dating?"

A: That is a very good question...a really good one....


Okay, just kidding. I'm not going to run away from that question so easily. In my opinion, you should follow your parent's rule on dating. I don't care if your dad's rule is that you can't data until you are married, like my dad's rule is. He is just joking though (at least I hope he is!). Respect your parents' decision on this. They have already been there before and I know that they have had their fair share of mistakes growing up. They want what's best for you.
Just a little secret. My parents' (real) standard on the age of when my siblings and I could start dating is college age. I wasn't allowed to date in high school. And let me tell you another secret. I'm still alive! Isn't that awesome? I made it through my high school years without ever having a boyfriend. It is possible to make it.
And don't think that you aren't "cool" because you are single. Don't feel left out because all of your closest friends have boyfriends and you don't.  Honestly, wouldn't you rather meet the guy of your dreams at the right time instead of settling for someone who you don't actually really like just because he said that you were pretty. Set your standards high. And if that right guy doesn't come into your life until late in high school or after you graduate college then I'm sure you would rather wait for him instead of dating some guy with no brains and no direction in life while you are a sophomore in high school just to keep up appearances.
So to answer your question, there is no right answer. The Bible doesn't give a specific age for when you can start dating. Sometimes I wish it did. But honestly, I am glad it doesn't. This is the time in your life that need trust your parents' decisions and pray for God's direction. Even the smallest decision like, "Should I go out with him?" or "Should I wear this to the party?" or "Should I go there if I know he is going to be there?" could alter your life dramatically. God gave you a good head on your shoulders. Use it!


I hope these answers were helpful to you. If you have any of your own that you would like me to answer, just comment on this post. Or if it's a more personal question, you can send me an email to the email address that is in my bio. I would love to answer your questions and I would love to hear from you.

Have a really great weekend everyone!